(Losing) Struggle of life..yes..no

Updated: Aug 1, 2021



Life is a f***in long and big struggle. Sometimes it's against poverty, sometimes it's against bad health, sometimes it's against your relations who fail to understand you, sometimes it's against your society, sometimes it's against powerful ones. Different for different people.

Hope is only a ray, not bright sunlight. But we live on that hope only, threadbare with someone, somebody, nobody's support.

I want to say that life is still possible. I wish to say, at least. I want to say it from the deep dark of my life. I need to commit to myself.


I don't want to lose my fighting spirit. But,... I am seeing myself that I am losing it. Why am I afraid of fighting? Afraid of fighting against powerful, evil, rogue, torture, sickness, society,... What is at stake? What will I lose?


Yeah, what will I lose if I fight more?

I feel tired. Completely exhausted. What's left in me to fight more?

Will I lose? I may lose my family, own life, home, stability, social image, reputation, job, business,.. I will be called as criminal, loser, weak, failure.


Anyways, I am not worried about losing my life. I am worried about causing more pain, more humiliation, more suffering to my dear ones, my family.

And there is no boasting in saying that I am not worried about my life, but for my dear ones. It is helplessness. It is actually. I am aware of it deep inside my heart, even though I don't want to admit it openly.


Yeah, I am helpless. Cannot help. You cannot help me.


Shit...How do I come out of this shit?


I don't know.

...


But I read Abraham Lincoln's biography. We can read only, nobody will come from the street these days and tell the story of his own life. We are not talking about those people who talk sadly after drinking alcohol. Not them, but the real people. Those days are gone. I remember that old TV serial "Mitti ke rang" telling miserable stories of Misérables but Humans.


So, Lincoln.. poor fellow but a great man... suffered for whole life from his cruel wife. The word 'melancholy' is deeply associated with Lincoln. But he reshaped America. He liberated African Americans or blacks from centuries of slavery. Thus setting a chain of liberation of oppressed people world over.

Lincoln endured a very sad family life. He could have ended his life. But he kept going on. His life's work gave purpose and meaning to millions and billions of black people. Reinstated the humanity.


Nelson Mandela. Yeah, he spent 27 long years in prison. That's a lifetime. In prison, he kept reciting "Invictus". Because, he was about to break down so many times. Yet, what kept him going on?


Beethoven, one of the greatest musicians of all times, started becoming deaf by the age of 28. He died at 56. Despite total deafness he created 9th and 5th symphony, two of the greatest music pieces of all times. This was the revenge of Beethoven.


Don't want to make this a laundry list of inspirational people. We don't need no lecture. There were many and there are many in present times as well. They are amongst many ordinary mortals around us as well. But these are some of the people we all know. But it all came to be known only after they lived through it. The victory was in the end. After long long struggle. They did not give up. They faced it. Lived as poor. Lived in jail. Called as failures. Labelled as criminals.


So what? My life is different and my problems, people around me, my situation are different. Those might have been great people and so they could do it... NO. Those people were also on the verge of breaking down. Threadbare. Many a times.


Yet they just kept going on. At some of point of time, they found the purpose to keep going on. Yes, it was not the cause what they wanted. Not at all. They dreamt of something else in the beginning. That certainly did not happen. But what turned out eventually of their resolve was greater than life.


Purpose.. a strong purpose.. is what I need to keep fighting a seemingly losing battle.


You too shall find your purpose at one point of time. Just keep going on. If you are suffering more pain than laughing happy souls around, then be assured that a greater work too will come out of your struggle. It is out of great pain only, a great work of life comes out.


Until then let's take on the sufferings. Let it come. Let's see how much of it comes on you. They want to push you to the depths. You bottom it out.


In between try to find a purpose. May be or may not be related to your present miserable life.


This too shall pass.

Yes. Keep Going On.



PS: I wrote for the first time pouring my heart out, from my own struggle between miserable life and an ounce of courage. Why? Actually, didn't know. But at the end of it I feel that there would be many others like me. Feels better!





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